War.

      A few days ago, Russia invaded Ukraine. On my social media there are dozens of videos of air strikes, mortar rounds, helicopter strikes and other forms of military violence taking place in populated civilian areas. One can only imagine the number of civilian deaths/casualties. One can only imagine the many more to come on top of the military members who will undoubtedly die defending the country that gave them life. Why is it in this moment in time I feel more of an urge to fight than ever before? To do something, to feel a part of something...

     The last few years I have been torn between the option of living as comfortable as possible or taking a huge leap trying out for more elite Army units to serve in. The struggle comes between spending time with my family, serving God, serving the country and let's face it, my own pride/satisfaction. My family is the only reason I am still in the Army. Had I never met my wife or had kids for that matter I would have been long gone from the Army. My faith has always been in the forefront of my mind. I am sad to say, but I know that I could be more devout. I know that I could always give more. I tried to give more but the struggle between my work and my family life often left me feeling I had no time to incorporate my faith. I have come to find over the last year or so while on recruiting that my faith should be practiced on a moment by moment basis, and that I don't need to dedicate vast amounts of continuous hours in order to achieve a relationship with my God. (I could expand more but I could easily write a novel.) I joined the Army for college money mostly but I also wanted to at least say that I gave the military and the country 4 years of my life to do whatever they wanted to do with me. Send me to war, respond to a hurricane, or anything in between I let the Army do just that. Now it is a little different; I feel a much bigger sense of patriotism and obligation to serve the country that has given me so much. After all, tax-payer dollars put me through online college, covered all my families medical bills and paid every last penny of my paycheck. I am thankful for that and want to say I saw my military career through to retirement. Lastly, and most certainly not least, my own desire to feel satisfied in my work and my pride in being a cut above has a large part to do with my yearn for trying out for the next level. 

     Why is this important right now with the Ukraine crisis escalating by the hour? Because I feel that if I were a part of one of these special units that I would have the most opportunity to be a part of the solution or at least the response to what is clearly an international injustice. Just as the towers fell in 2001, the invasion of Ukraine has revealed an international adversary that Americans should feel compelled to deal with through swift and decisive military action. 

     In my military career I have always felt like I had missed out on whatever was going on. When I was in AIT, right before I was supposed to graduate, President Obama says that the war is over and troops are going to be drawn down. He clearly didn't know I had been training the last 6 months to go to war. I have missed several deployments over the years. Either the unit got diverted to something else, I was having a baby or even that I was a secondary and wasn't needed. I have always been at the tail end of everything and my fear of missing out is pretty big. While I pray for peace and yearn for the evil in this world to stop I stand ready to fight it when I can. I also know that the evil will never stop; it has been here since man stepped foot on the earth and it shan't cease until we have left it. I just want to play my part of serving justice, however small my role may be. Even if I am to become a member of the unit, do hundreds of missions and perform until my 30th year in the Army I know that my part in the grand scheme of things will be miniscule when one looks at it from the context of an era. Nonetheless, my life will have meaning. I will make it have some sort of meaning if no one else but myself and my God wills it for me. My life will be satisfying because I will attempt, with all my will, to make it satisfying, God willing. I pray that I make the right choices and for all the right reasons. 

      God, help those who are fighting for freedom and strike the heel of those who would oppose the innocent for the sake of resources. Protect the innocent, that they may stand up in victory when the time comes. Soften the hearts of those who are hardened, may they turn from evil. For those whose hearts are evil, may they be stopped before committing evil deeds. I ask for the world leaders to make the right decisions, no matter how hard they are or what opposition may come. I pray for my decisions to be in line with the straight and narrow I am called to walk and that I would not stray. God help us all. Amen.

2022: New Year, Same Old Me.

      It's true, we have all finally made it to the long awaited 2022. As if the passing of a single calendar day, emphasized by the rolling of another tick that is a year in the 21st century could have any significance. Perhaps if one makes it significant then it holds some sort of weight, but I have chosen not too hold such things within my mind. Resolutions? Not for me.

    I will continue to be the same person that I have always been. Will I get in better shape this year? I will certainly try after my long hiatus from the gym being the station commander. Will I be a nicer person? I certainly will try, but sometimes I will fail and go nuts on someone in traffic texting on their phone. Perhaps I will change my dieting habits this year and stop reaching for so many sweets? Unlikely. I will try to eat less processed foods/fast food and go for more meats, fruits and veggies. I have always like the idea of becoming a carnivore or sticking to the paleo diet, but it seems like a lot of work. Just today I find myself reaching for my usual sweets with a pretty bad craving for them. I made a mashed sweet potato instead. It filled my stomach but did little to suppress my craving for processed sugar... perhaps I will try the paleo diet this year. More to follow.

     The point is, I don't feel like mentally committing to a gargantuan life change just because the new year rolled around. The new year means little to me other than the adjustment period when I continue to write the old year down on papers I sign instead of the new year. This will last a few days/weeks. If there are changes I want to make I will make them when I want, and I certainly won't hold myself to a goal of doing some thing or abstaining from some thing for an entire calendar year. With 24 hours in a day and 365 days in a year you are bound to fail and with a failure will come added stress and self-doubt, of which I have no time for. Instead I'll just start small and try to eat less cookies!

     Something of some significance to me is that just before the new year started, I began drinking real, caffeinated coffee again. It is fairly significant to me because I quit all forms of caffeine and tobacco in November of 2011, which means that for 10 years I had no significant intentional use of caffeine. Every sleepless night followed by an early morning was fueled either by rage, hatred or a dull sense of duty to keep my job. Now I'm back on the horse and not really because I want/need the caffeine; I clearly operate fine without it. I just love coffee and Decaf really doesn't taste the same or come in nearly the same variety. Did the real coffee help fuel me during my last days as a station commander? Absolutely. I certainly was able to power through morning work super well. But the evening crash is a little much. I'm getting used to it though. I may quit the real coffee later this year, but then again, I may not. No pressure! Hope you, dear reader, have a great year as well, whatever year it may be!